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Thursday, December 7th, 2006

Subject:Drugged-up Digest of Amy's Life
Time:5:02 pm.
Mood:sick (what else is new?).
So it happens this way: every time I think I'm going to update my journal, I remember how long it's been and how much stuff I'll have to skip over, and then I go "....aw, screw it." and I don't write. Of course, when I'm severely medicated, that doesn't happen, so that's why I'm writing right now. Also, it's probably the reason why this won't make any damn sense. But oh, well.

Dan and Nicki's wedding went off pretty well. It was a fun weekend of meeting lots of people and doing lots of things. As per usual, I was ill for most of it. I've continued with the sick ever since, with it finally culminating and causing me to black out a couple times at work yesterday. Not good.

But that's another thing- I'm working for Target now, as an entertainment specialist. Yes, this does mean I was working Electronics during the After-Thanksgiving sales. Yes, that did suck terribly, especially since we were still trying to fit training in there. And if that wasn't enough, we also moved.

So we're no longer in the apartment that's mostly on the second floor. Instead, we're in a small-ish house about three or four miles north of our previous position. The town is a little odd- a mixture of poor and rich, but the middle class seems to be almost non-existent. Or I could just be sheltered and unobservant, who knows. What I do know is our house was built in 1962, it has a kidney-shaped screened in pool, and the seller left a bunch of crap here, both good and bad. We've got a garage freezer, a really nice grill, patio furniture, and a nice giant bookcase for our DVDs. We've also got a really old Scary Chair, ugly wood horse decorations on the garage door, a toolshed full of briefcases, etc. So yeah, some good and some bad. I really love the good things, though. And the house itself is just awesome.

I'm contemplating papering the walls in my room with parts of House of Leaves- mostly for the faces I get whenever I mention it.
Comments: Read 3 orAdd Your Own.

Sunday, October 8th, 2006

Subject:Things I have learned over the past two weeks:
Time:5:12 pm.
Mood: pleased.
1. If you have a sob story for the people closing down the Pirates ride, they'll give you re-entry passes.

2. Nicki's stream of consciousness is, indeed, Jack Sparrow.

3. Fireworks at Disney are well worth missing a walk through Tomorrowland.

4. Telemarketing still sucks, no matter what you call it.

5. Having a strange naked girl in my lap was not nearly as awkward as I thought it would be.

6. Possibly a corollary to #5, three rum and cokes are as much alcohol as I should ever have.

7. People are intrigued by greenscreens and love standing in front of them.

8. I am way too amused about getting a photography job.

Pictures may follow...once I've run out of lazy and actually put them up on zee computer.

Next weekend: Pirate wedding and horror convention! Woo!
Comments: Read 2 orAdd Your Own.

Thursday, September 14th, 2006

Time:4:47 pm.
Mood: aggravated.
In another edition of "I only write here when I've got a Migraine" theater:

Cut for angry rantingCollapse )

Other than that, things are going really well. I'll put that in a less angry post later on, when I'm feeling a little better.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Tuesday, August 29th, 2006

Subject:Fun Times and Upcoming Decisions
Time:1:18 pm.
Mood: good.
I have reached the end of the Nothing to Talk About phase, apparently. Stuff is happening! I better get it down in my blog before it flies out of my head, eh? ;-P

I have a few job offers- nothing I was expecting, and I'm still trying to decide. Okay, so I turned down the one that was photographing stamps for 8 hours a day, because frankly the lady freaked me out a bit. And the piles of crap EVERYWHERE in what passed for their office would cause me to flip out and kill people within two weeks. Also, they were very shady finanacial-wise and weren't offering much.

However, I've also been offered a position selling long-term health care insurance, annuities, and medicare supplements. People make faces when I mention this- go on, you can too, if you'd like. But the place I went to was full of friendly and hard-working people, everyone I talked to has been very straight-forward about how it works, and- surprise of all surprises- I'm actually interested in what they're selling. Anyone who's read this long enough knows I went through some periods of thinking I might not ever be able to take care of myself financially. By the time we looked into long-term healthcare, it was way too late. So I've got sort of a personal interest. Also, I agree with their methodology. So....I don't know. I'll see. It's 100% commission, so that's kind of scary. I would like something I can focus myself on. I've been drifting too much lately.

I wish Clearwire would get back to me about things. They're probably the only other ones I'd be serious about...

We went to the Daytona Reptile Expo a couple of weekends ago! There were snakes and I got to meet mokele and hidenplainsight there, both of which I hadn't seen in years. It was really great to see them, to meet Gemma, and plus, there were snakes! :D We played with the sea cockroaches and swam at the beach (which I hadn't done till now), and talked forever.

And now...we have snakes. Two snakes- they're both corn snakes. One has a long title that starts with amel- and I can't remember the rest. She is pink and red and very pretty. That one is Nicki's, and is named Lan. The other one is an okeetee, which means she's a beautiful brown-red-and-orange. We have identified this as 'blood and rust colored'. So we were going to call her Dahlia...after watching her down a fetal mouse, though, we changed her name to Claudia. >_>

PicturesCollapse )

Now, to get the quota of whining in- it'd be nice if my eyes stopped being a pain. I've been trying to get rid of this infection for over a month now. :-P Stupid eye things. I am tired of glasses and not being able to see (which honestly defeats the purpose of the glasses)!
Comments: Read 6 orAdd Your Own.

Friday, August 18th, 2006

Subject:Angsty Emo LJ Post #47
Time:1:12 am.
Mood: darque.
Mmmm. Jealousy and depression, I remember you guys.

It's been a tough couple of days. Unexpected $540 car repair bill, being rejected immediately for several positions, and not being able to get dinner tonight all among the culprits. I still don't have a job, I feel like death due to overheating yesterday. And I'm getting that lonely feeling where I don't want to talk to anyone, then feel sad and self-conscious because no one's talking to me. Because that makes sense!

Eh. It'll be over in a day or two. But what use is this journal if I can't bitch in it every once in awhile? ;-)

In other news- tomorrow: Snakes on a Plane! Where will you be?
Comments: Read 12 orAdd Your Own.

Monday, July 31st, 2006

Subject:So freakin' bored....
Time:1:50 pm.
Mood: :-P.
So, of course, as soon as I can't so much as look at the computer, I start getting job offers that actually might seem legit. Which is all well and good, but they al involve testing of some sort, and I can't look at what I'm doing here. Bleah.

For those of you that are uninformed (probably about all of you), I've been having major eye problems the past few days. I thought it was eyestrain, so I've stayed off the computer entirely, but it appears to be getting worse. I can't see at all sometimes now. :-P I'm typing this particular thing with my eyes closed, so please to forgive any weird typos... I'm going to the eye doctor tomorrow. According to relatives, he'll probably find that I've scratched my eyeball, give me some antibiotic salve, then give me enough tranqs to put me out for a day, so I actually rest the thing. We'll see what happens.

This whole thing has made me realize just how much I need my eyes for doing...things. Like freakin' everything. It isVERY BORING without being able to see things. I don't like it, no sir.

So the first thing I do, when my eyes're not working- Buy a PSP. Because yes, that four-inch screen is SO much better for me than anything else. Hey, I need it for Silent Hill: Origins. Shut up.

In other news, I'm still a loser with no job. However, I did just see V for Vendetta (finally), and that was awesome. So yay. :D Clerks 2- also very good, but obviously for entirely different reasons. ...all right, that's all I got.
Comments: Read 1 orAdd Your Own.

Thursday, July 6th, 2006

Time:7:54 pm.
Mood: good.
One day, I'll start updating again. Figured today I can get a placeholder in.

I've had a really nice month, getting settled here in Florida and spending cash like nobody's business. I seem to have two modes when spending money- on and off. And when I'm on 'on', there it all goes. There's always such excellent things to spend stuff on, too! I know have a Pyramid Head shirt, and my hair's got a nice purple tint to it. (And it can still pass as normal hair, which is great)

However, I also have no income, I'm taking money out of my emergency fund, and I'm wracking up bills on things I have not been expecting. My money's currently 'tied up' getting to me, and who knows how many days that will take. So...yes, spending less on things starts now.

I'm working on applying to everything ever. If this doesn't yield anything by August, I'll expand that to Everything Ever + Infinity....which sounds cool, but just means part-time retail, as well. ;-)

All that aside, it's actually great to be here. I can relax here and go out and do things with people occasionally, and I don't have to pretend I'm not on the computer. All of which are indications that I really did need to move out of my parent's house.

So- I just need a way to support myself, and everything will be set. If I keep saying it, maybe it'll just appear.
Comments: Read 7 orAdd Your Own.

Sunday, May 28th, 2006

Subject:Road Trip, Day 1
Time:9:04 am.
Mood: amused.
Kansas sucks. I find this out every time I drive from Colorado to Florida or back, but I always seem to forget how much. Soooo boring.

Lawrence, Kansas sucks even more. We were planning on staying there last night and instead got the hell out quicker than planned. EVERYTHING went wrong there. It's like a black hole of suck.

So we kept going past Kansas City and stayed outside of the state, in Independence, Missouri. There's a Comfort Suites here and also a teppanyaki place. Expensive, but well worth it. Mmmm, shrimpies.

Better go have my deluxe continental breakfast (whatever that means). We gotta hit the road in an hour.

Man, I need more icons...
Comments: Read 5 orAdd Your Own.

Tuesday, May 16th, 2006

Subject:The Plan
Time:8:35 am.
Mood: excited.
May 22nd: Fly to Orlando
May 24th: Fly back to Denver, with Nicki
May ...um, something: Begin trek down to Daytona. Try not to go insane on the Kansas leg (note: Presence of Nicki will aid in this greatly).
After that: Find a friggin' job. Most definitely with benefits.

...yeah, that's foolproof, right?
Comments: Read 4 orAdd Your Own.

Saturday, April 15th, 2006

Subject:Yet another case of tl;dr
Time:9:18 pm.
Mood: irate.
Dear Don,

I am currently 'manager' of Store #XXXXXX, in Harry's district. I apologize that this is the first you hear from me, but unfortunately that can't be helped.

I am writing to give you my two weeks notice.

It's been fun, but- oh, wait, no it hasn't...Collapse )

Note: Names are changed to try to keep from being totally obnoxious. Well, that and because it amused me.

...I think I'm going to go to Florida now. Er, well, mid-May or so.
Comments: Read 6 orAdd Your Own.

Sunday, March 26th, 2006

Subject:Tales from the Blown-Up Store #1
Time:3:32 pm.
Mood: accomplished.
Wow, it's been quite the three weeks.

I've managed to get from "Okay, what needs to happen in the next hour to keep the store operational?" to "What needs to happen in the next couple of days?" This isn't to say there still isn't a major crisis every day. But at least I'm not handling five at once.

The last manager left the store (my store, now) in absolutely horrible condition. She was only there six weeks, and had just done inventory two weeks prior, but somehow all of our product is mismatched, posted to Lost, stuck under random cabinets, etc. Our candy was 3/4 expired- we just tossed it last night. The customers all walk into the store looking like someone's going to jump them and take their lunch money- an obvious testament to the wonderful service they've received here till now. And then there's the staff...I've had to replace a good chunk of them, because they were worse than useless. Considering the store was severely understaffed to begin with...

It's all because the last manager wouldn't let anyone do anything. She treated them like they were too stupid to get it. And she never filed anything either. As you might imagine, I am not exactly filled with love for this woman.

Despite all that, I'm really doing quite well. I have a lot of support from the other stores and my boss, the District Manager. My brain is finally happy that I can use it for something- and this does require a LOT of organization. And it's been awhile since I've tested my limits. I'm really proud of the fact that I haven't broken down once this whole time...and I could've easily done so in the first three days. That was like a marathon of suck.

Anyway, yes I am alive! I even have a cellphone now. O_O It is amazing, but after the first night I had to go check on the store at three in the morning I decided that it was kind of necessary.
Comments: Read 5 orAdd Your Own.

Monday, February 27th, 2006

Time:10:50 pm.
Mood: pleased.
In two weeks, they're going to give me a store.

From clerk to store manager in six months...I gotta say I'm pretty excited about it. Scared as hell, too- but the only thing I'm not totally sure of is how well I'll do at delegating. And I've been taking lots and lots and lots of notes on it.

It's true! I've got a notebook. Okay, more of it has just been paying attention.

I will have to be very, VERY careful if I don't want to stomp all over my health.

But I'll be able to afford things again- an apartment, I can get my car fixed, my own health insurance and my own furniture and my own internet connection, and after all of that's taken care of- games and cell phones and anime and maybe a nice notebook computer. Things that I've been going on about for several years at this point, how I need to take a look at that, not knowing when or if I'll ever have money of my own to even rent it with.

It's going to be stressful. In fact, the first couple of months are probably going to suck. The people there are hardly trained, and I'm going to be trying to break habits and get into new ones.

But it will be my store, and I'll do what it takes to make it good. And once it's good, I'll transfer down to Florida and make that store good. And then I'll convince them to convert the Movie Gallery in Daytona into a Hollywood Video and make that store good. And that will be my store.

That's the plan. We'll see if I'm smart enough to accomplish it.
Comments: Read 3 orAdd Your Own.

Thursday, February 2nd, 2006

Subject:Anniversaries and Horizons
Time:1:56 pm.
Mood: pensive.
Today is the first anniversary of my spinal diskectomy, a surgery that made it possible for me to be on the computer more than fifteen minutes at a time, that made it possible for me to work, that made it possible for me to be something other than a lump in my parent's house. The surgeon removed two bone spurs, things that they couldn't see properly in a CT scan, or even an MRI. Something they had guessed on. They could've easily found nothing there, but they didn't.

A year ago, this hour, I was waking up in the Recovery Room, and I felt better than I had in five years. That could've been the morphine, but who knows. It took a month before they let me take off the plastic neck brace, and two before they declared me fit to do things. But even before that, I was doing much better than I had been. I still have fibromyalgia. I still have health problems. But they are so much less, and I know how to deal with them.

A lot of anniversaries are coming up in the next month or so. This is the first, the one that started all of them. It is important to me.

Unsurprisingly, I got a call today that's going to have some life-changing effects. I'm not sure whether they're good or bad, yet. They want me to train to be a store manager, because they're eliminating the assistant manager positions. I'd like to be a manager, except then I'll never get to Florida. That's something I'm pretty set on, moving there. Plus, if they're 'training' me to be a manager, I'm not going to get health insurance for quite a bit longer. That's one of the major reasons I need a job- if you've read the above, you know why I need health insurance.

I'm tempted to say 'fuck it' and move to Florida anyway. I'll quit my job here and do what I always swore I wouldn't- go there with nothing and hope to god I can get work somewhere. It's a stupid thing to do. But now I know I can work, at least. So I may do it anyway.

I don't know what's going to happen. If I disappear for awhile in the next few months, that might be it. I'll try to keep people updated.
Comments: Read 5 orAdd Your Own.

Sunday, January 22nd, 2006

Time:12:21 pm.
Mood:thinking, finally.
Well...I guess writing in my five other journals wasn't enough, so I come back here.

Okay, so it's just three. And they're roleplaying journals. All my writing energy has gone into those. I've written some damn good things with them, too- but they have to be put in context, and the context is...odd.

But sometimes when I have a migraine, writing helps. Writing and coffee and prescription drugs and alcohol. Perfect combination. So I've been writing a lot the past few days. And maybe I should try a reintroduction here.

Hi, I'm Amy. I don't have the excuse of nothing happening to not have been writing in here the past six months. I've been trying to get my head straightened out somewhat, but I don't think it's going to straighten completely. I've been working at Hollywood Video since September, and I'm going to be promoted to Assistant Manager in a few weeks. It's a pretty good job, even if it makes no use of any thinking skills whatsoever. I probably have what it takes to make one of the higher rungs of management, if I keep working my ass off. I've been working my ass off so that I'll have health insurance before mine runs out. ...I'm going to miss it by a month, and if they take my chronic illness and my neck surgery as pre-existing conditions, I might as well not have insurance at all.

But the fact remains that I'm healthier than I've been in almost a decade, and I can actually work now. So that's what I'm doing. I'm still living in my parents' house, but plan on moving out once I get the full-time managerial position. I don't know if I can actually support myself that way, but I have to get it a shot. I'm beyond sick of being here. Not paying $400 a month for COBRA will help quite a bit, I'm hoping.

It's possible that I haven't been writing in here for the simple fact that people I know read it now. So I don't know what to say about certain things, because I don't want them to worry or feel awkward. Maybe no one's reading this by now, though, eh?

So I won't go into details, but I will say that during the second half of last year, I started up a relationship with someone that was doomed to fail- and it did, rather decisively, over New Year's. But we're giving it a shot at just being friends, and we still try to support each other with things, and it feels weird, but maybe the distance is a good thing.

Maybe I need more distance.

I remember two years ago, when I had nothing to do and nothing I could do. I could barely talk to the friends I had left, and I didn't WANT to, because all I had to tell them was 'oh, yeah, I spent six hours watching soap operas with my Mom today because I didn't have the energy to walk upstairs'. Not exactly stuff you want to get into with people who are frantically searching for jobs.

That was distance. ...Maybe I don't need that.

But I have to tell you, sometimes the temptation to just throw as much as I can in my car and keep driving, somewhere I've never been and where people wouldn't think to look- sometimes that's really strong. Because if I can work retail, and my current job is proving to me that I can, then I can go anywhere. And then I can just hide.

I'd like to write. I'd like to write and get paid for it, but the only inspiration I've had lately has been the roleplaying, and there's no way that can even be transmuted into something that's not breaking fifty million copyright laws. Oh, well. I'd like to write my own story, anyway. I don't know if I could, if the pressure were on. I'm not so good with pressure.

I'm going to try to get transferred to Florida. Then I can work on things with my friends, and maybe we can all get somewhere on that stuff together, if we're supporting each other. And it has the added bonus of placing me far, far away from any obligations I'd have to my family.

That sort of lessens that temptation to hide. I still have this fear, though, that I'm never going to understand relationships with anyone...that I'm incapable of balancing the taking advantage of someone with the being taken advantage of...and that's what it almost always seems to come down to. I'm afraid I'll fuck up whatever I try, because I just don't understand how these things are supposed to work. It's not an uncommon fear, by any stretch of the imagination, and I know that. I guess I'll just have to see how it all goes.
Comments: Read 6 orAdd Your Own.

Friday, September 9th, 2005

Subject:Things are actually happening!
Time:12:34 pm.
Mood: cheerful.
Item 1: My sister has had a baby boy. He was born September 5th, and I must say he's a pretty darn cute baby. His name is Adonai, which apparently means 'My Lord' or something. Mom has declared she's going to call him Donny. We'll see how that goes. My sister should've gone home yesterday- I haven't heard anything about it, unfortunately. I don't know much about babies, and usually I don't care to know much about them. But I imagine I can make some room to care about this one. ;-) It's really weird, being an aunt. I still can't wrap my brain around it.

Item 2: I now have a job. I'm working at Hollywood Video, which is a wonderful place to work. I love it so far, although I'm a little worried my fibro's going to start acting up again. Oh, well, I gotta start somewhere. Also, they're already training me to eventually take an assistant manager position, which means it'd be full time AND I get benefits! Wooo! So, I'm working on that. Another good thing about this job is that it sounds pretty easy to transfer across country. So, six months after I start up on full-time, I could request to go to Daytona. Yay!

I really do just like the place, though. I get free movie rentals. And the atmosphere is great. Customers are rarely difficult and my coworkers already have seemed to accept me pretty well. The assistant manager here is a major anime fan, by the way. Last time I closed with him, we watched anime music videos for the last three hours.

Item 3: I was called by a staffing company- they're looking to fill a position for an Orbital Analyst for a satellite company, and my resume looked good! :-D The major sticking point was the fact that I don't have security clearance. That's been the major problem with my entire search, really. Most companies want you to have clearance, but you can't get clearance until you work for one of them. Yeah, one of those. :-P But the guy handling my info was going to look into how I could get a company to sponsor me. So that's great.

Item 4: My router decided it hates me. So I'm only barely connected most of the time. More reason to move out quickly.

Item 5: I have eight freakin' cavities! I'm in the process of getting them filled. Sounds like I'm going to have to get my wisdom teeth out soon, too. :-P

Item 6: I just watched Garden State yesterday and I loved it so much. It was...well, I'll just say that it was very enlightening. It's one of those movies that makes you realize things about yourself.

All in all, things are much better right now. I hope I can do okay with this job, healthwise. I have to admit, I'm still a little worried about how I'll handle it. But I'm already able to do a lot more than I used to be. So...pretty good so far. I've been waiting for over a year to use this icon, by the way. :-)
Comments: Read 3 orAdd Your Own.

Thursday, August 11th, 2005

Time:2:36 pm.
Mood: depressed.
I'm a huge knot. Have been since I started looking. I guess its tighter now.

I still don't have a job. I've lowered my expectations twice now- into September and I'll be moving it down again, into the 'All right, I don't care if it has anything to do with my skills' range. I really don't want to go into that range. That is the range of 'maybe someday you'll get out of this job and go do something with your life'.

I'm applying to everything I see online. And quite a few things not-online. I spend 4-6 hours on it a day (could be 8...). My skills are odd and no one wants me. I can learn new things and I will do so if I get hired somewhere, but no amount of assurance in my cover letter is going to make up for the giant gaping hole of the past two years. If you can have someone who's been working vs. someone who's been 'ill' for two years, who would you pick?

I don't even know what I want to do anymore. I feel tugged in fifty different directions, but when I walk down those paths, suddenly it's no longer interested in me. The only thing I'm reasonably good at right now is writing in role-playing scenarios, and what the hell is that going to do for me?

I've been sick for the past three weeks with a sinus infection and the fibro is making it difficult to tell whether the meds are working or not. I wonder if I even have a chance, on my own....if a sinus infection can make me so pathetic for so long...a small voice inside my head says that I really do want to be sick- after all, there are people who would take care of me. Maybe I just want to be sick forever and then I won't have to do anything. I hate that voice.

I've been pulling myself in so I don't have to deal with things. I'm sorry if I haven't talked to you or said hi in awhile. I apologize for forgetting important things. Sorry for being such a rotten friend lately. None of what I say is going to matter until I feel like myself again and not some whiny teenager. If I could just get a job...some direction...I hope know I'd be better.

The staffing company position seems to have fallen through. There's no way I'm going to get money in time to make it to Kumoricon, which is...fine, I guess. Cons aren't that important in the grand scheme of things even though this one sounds like the best thing ever. I got to do a lot of things this summer that I probably didn't deserve, so I should just be grateful for that. Still, people who are going and have somehow made it past the angst this far... take pictures, okay? :-)

I feel like I'm shouting into the void. There's nothing to do but keep at it, I guess.
Comments: Read 2 orAdd Your Own.

Saturday, July 16th, 2005

Time:1:37 am.
Mood: weird.
Yes, I'm one of those people that stood in line for Harry Potter in the middle of the night. I really couldn't work up an enthusiasm for it, as I wasn't going with anyone. It turned out to be one of those 'alone in a crowd' nights. You never feel quite as alone as you do when you're surrounded by people that completely ignore your existence. I tend to either really like these or feel terribly lonely; tonight was a "yay" night for that.

Sometimes I think that I'm only myself when I'm alone. Sometimes I think that, instead, I'd just disappear entirely. Because there is very little 'me' that exists without a person to compare to, for me to react to. I seem to always be someone's sidekick, backdrop, supporter, analyst, etc etc. There is no Me, per se. Or that's what I think sometimes anyway. So when I'm alone I tend to get this unalterable, unfeeling 'quiet'. It can be nice. I feel like I can melt into it sometimes.

I didn't notice what was going on in the store. I grabbed a comic and read it, grabbed a copy of Wired and read it, but my mind wasn't really on the words.

As soon as I got out into the parking lot, book in hand, I noticed that the moon was setting into the mountains. It was just this huge orange slice, getting eaten up by jagged edges. It reminded me why I like to be out late, especially when no one else is.

When I got home, I looked up at the stars. I haven't done that much lately...I think it's because I'm trying not to set my mind up for wanting what it can't have. But the stars....I dunno, I connect to them somehow. Staring at them, no one else around and no distractions, it's about as close to meditating as I think I'll be able to get. Again, there was the Quiet. I wonder if I'll ever get to do anything with them. I wonder if I'd be happy if I got a job off in a state I don't know, working at a space job. Part of me thinks it'd be nice to be unconnected; another thinks I'd just float away. Then again, the last time I moved to parts unknown, I immediately found others to lean on. Maybe that'd happen again.

I think being around certain people makes me a better person, but on nights like tonight, I don't know if I want to be changed at all. I'm sure this feeling will pass by tomorrow. It always seems to....

I'd be so determined in my actions; if only I knew what it is I want.
Comments: Read 2 orAdd Your Own.

Monday, July 4th, 2005

Time:9:56 pm.
Mood: worried.
I'm sitting here at the computer, the lights off, a candle lit, and my blinds completely open. I can see the fireworks from at least seven different displays (three of which I KNOW to be totally illegal) right at this very second. I've always liked the Fourth of July. Maybe its because its always been a special occasion, as far as my father's concerned. I didn't used to like fireworks, though. The noise hurt my ears. And that sounds like a terribly wussy thing to say, but then...anyone who knows me knows I'm a huge wuss.

There hasn't been much going on with me the last few weeks- now, usually that doesn't stop me from writing random stuff. I've switched from looking for careers to looking for jobs. There's a job fair here on July 14th- I'm dreading having to go to it, because I would so love to go live in Daytona. But I'm not going to move there unless I have a job with benefits. I don't want to end up like my sister- no insurance, no money, etc...just because I felt like moving and had money at the time. I've also become entirely too engrossed in a certain roleplaying game. I figured I'd have more time rather than less once it started up, but...I find myself focusing on it, getting ready for it, etc etc. a lot of the time. I think it might partially have to do with the fact that I need something to offset the job-searching stress. So, apologies if I haven't been keeping up with what's going on with you. It's because I'm terribly inconsiderate, you see. Always feel free to e-mail me at Eliada@gmail.com if you wanna catch up, okay?

Now I could go on about how I'm wondering where I'll be in the next month or so, but you folks have heard it before. Maybe I should talk about my writing. I've got tons and tons to write, for various people and on various topics, and I'm not sure whether I can write quality work. I feel like I just need a kick in the pants of some sort. But maybe...maybe I'm not that great a writer. I know, I know...everyone get your gasps of disbelief out now. -_-;; I've never been tested, really, and now's my time. Omnigeek needs me. I guess we'll find out just how 'reasonably decent' I really am. Aw, that's all self-doubting BS. I'm sure you really wanted to hear it. ;-P

Time to get back to watching the fireworks. I have a feeling they'll be going way past midnight. ...man, writing as me shouldn't feel this unusual.
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Friday, June 17th, 2005

Subject:Daytona is nice. I would like to live there, I think.
Time:4:25 pm.
Mood: geeky.
It's about a week after I got back from Florida, but I've been running around like a chicken with its head cut off. There's been so many things to do- I'm not used to that.

The trip was wonderful...Collapse )The last day, we went to the (HIDEOUSLY MISNAMED) Museum of Arts and Sciences in Daytona. There was a lot of art. Oh, boy was there ever art. And a giant sloth. :-D

The return, not so much...Collapse )

Anyway, this week equalled migraines+ seriously family talks + antisocialness + Need to Find Job Now, and that does not combine to make a delightful mixed drink, sadly...But I am back and I'm not freaking out as much about things. Good for me.

So, we've got this little thing going now. It'll eventually be a BIG THING, but now we're just building and testing. It is:

Go, check it out! Our forums are diverse and cool, and we welcome geeks of all kinds. Our main categories are: Sci-Fi/Fantasy, Technogeekery, Horror, Role-Playing, Japan, Comics, Music, Art, and Writing. Seriously, go make yourself an account. Because its cool. And we need more people to test our nifty new ranking system.

Also, if you might be interested in writing for us- rants, reviews, random ponderings, ANYTHING really- please let me know. We'd love to have more writers.
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Wednesday, May 25th, 2005

Subject:"You find it comforting to believe that this is all there is?"
Time:3:23 pm.
Mood: cheerful.
"It's a comfort to know that this isn't a test."

I was going to write about a lot of things, but I've run out of time. The only thing I have left is the quote above. It's from House. That's a good show.

I'm gone. Off in Daytona for two weeks. It will be lovely. I'll be back on June 10th, hopefully with lots of stories to tell.

Apologies to people for having my head stuck in the sand already the past few weeks- I've been running around like a crazy person. D:
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